The more the child talked about friend parties and family parties and guest lists and party activities and party decorations, the dizzier I became. Birthday parties cause me anxiety. They stress me out. There is so much pressure to make your son's dreams come alive and earn the "cool mom" title in his eyes. As Xavier attended friend parties throughout the school year, I secretly took notes about all the clever and cute things other cool moms were doing. Xavier came home from these parties with a passion and enthusiasm that made my heart smile and my stomach fill with acid. How would I ever live up to his expectations?! How could I possibly keep up the trend to host two separate parties and coordinate party themes like we pull off these get-togethers for Sunday brunch? The more he talked, and asked, and conjured up visions of superheros, the more I wanted to hide in my closet and eat cookies.
As the weeks wore on, I decided to stop hiding in my closet (read: pantry) and take action. Maybe I was putting too much pressure on myself. Maybe I needed to talk to local moms and get their take on the party situation. Would it be lame to combine friends and family into one party? What could I actually do without disappointing my first-born child, making him feel less special than all the other children in the neighborhood?
I first talked to a girlfriend at work. Good intention gone awry #1. She goes big for birthdays. I mean nothing short of hiring teen idols to perform at her child's celebrations. And then she proceeded to scoff at her sisters-in-law because they don't go as big. Open G.I. tract. Insert acid. I suddenly felt self-conscious that I had somehow cheated my child for the first five years of his life. And then my husband, recalling memories from his own youth, reminds me that I have to make the extra effort so our kid isn't labeled and ostracized at school. And I always thought his personality would be enough get him through. Oh, snikies.
Acknowledging the fact that I may be hypersensitive about the issue, I began talking with a few other moms to get their perspectives. This experience turned out to be an adventure in verbal irony. I happen to know that some of these moms make a production of birthdays and always separate friends and family. I hope I hid my surprise when they looked me in the eye and exclaimed with a Cheshire grin, "Don't worry about it. Parties cost a lot of money. You don't have to do both. Just do what you can." My mouth thanked them for their help, yet my mind exploded (in my best saucy Latina accent) Say what?! Don't you know I have a smarter-than-usual inner voice? I am a woman of discernment! I can see what's really going on here. You are trying to eliminate the competition! Then you can tell your kids how great you are and pity the poor mom who clearly doesn't spend enough time on Pinterest. Obviously, this scavenger hunt was not going well. Who knew planning a party required tactical maneuvers and black ops training?
Since my interviewing skills left much to be desired, I decided to seek out other sources of inspiration. Pinterest was successful at luring me into its vortex, yet by the time I had planned a year's worth of meals, mentally crocheted elaborate newborn gifts, and envisioned the house of my dreams, I forgot what I was looking for in the first place. Although Pinterest is a wonderful conglomeration of crafty chicks everywhere, it only reminds me that I can easily become lost in a parallel universe, and I am much less creative than I imagine myself to be. Perhaps I needed to narrow my choices by visiting a tangible storefront, but I quickly learned that specialty stores are no help either. The overabundance of party themes cause my son's wires to short circuit and remind him of the superheros he forgot. What I really needed was an idea that could accommodate both friends and family in the same venue. What could I do that didn't look like I was copying someone else's party? And where else could I look?
I think the obvious choice here is cable. The Amonetts don't have cable, yet my kind and generous friend Sheral allows me to perform research at her house. Of all the cable options available, I thought TLC was the best place to go since it is titled The Learning Channel, after all. I can learn everything I need to know in one place! My first stop on the TLC train was Sister Wives, or Little Houses on the Desert, as Sheral and I like to call it. Four moms working together to raise a bazillion kids. And Meri is their party-planning leader. I hit the jackpot! Or not. For plural family parties, you can go lighter on the store bought ambiance, but only if you provide a mom who cries, a mom who creates drama, a mom who retreats, and a mom who likes to go over budget. It's nice that you don't have to find friends to invite because you already have 17 kids in tow, but I don't think the logistics would work out well for Mr. T.
My next stop on the cable waves was Honey Boo Boo. The remote could not turn the channel fast enough. Cable, you let me down. And now we're back to square one. But before I started counting diverging holes in my esophagus, I decided to take a break from my research and see what A&E had to offer. As luck would have it, Duck Dynasty was on! Forgot the themed party games; all we needed were a few sturdy poles and some duck tape. Lessons in suspension and physics coming right at ya! Unfortunately, I didn't have any poles at my disposal, and I figured I shouldn't return our party guests with tape burns on their arms and legs. Apparently, this party planning business would need a little more research.
As the week of X's birthday loomed closer, my anxiety was getting the better of me. My stomach felt tainted with lead, and I recognized I would need outside help to turn this thing around. I called upon my old friends sugar and fake sugar, yet they only exacerbated my anxiety issues. For the record, we are no longer friends.
My luck turned for the better when I received a phone call from my friend Courtney. She inquired about my plans for X's birthday, and I quickly relayed my handicap. Instead of adding to my anxiety, Courtney stepped into party-planning mode and helped me brainstorm ideas. I felt a great weight lifted when it occurred to me to have someone else host the party. Why didn't I think of this before? It was so simple, yet so beautiful. The answer was PIZZA! Kids like pizza. Parents like pizza. There are pizza places in my very own town. Pizza places with party rooms. Pizza places that prepare all the food. And most importantly, pizza places that clean up all the mess! Although I could not physically see or hear the hallelujah chorus of angels in that moment of revelation, I certainly felt their presence!
I called around to local pizzerias and decided on one that would take a weekend reservation and offer kids a wide range of menu options. That left me with the job of assembling treat bags and ordering superhero cupcakes from Sam's. A couple trips to the store and an afternoon was all it took. As I congratulated myself on a job well done, I marveled how easily this party came together. I could totally do this for a living...or at least twice a year. Wait, did I just hear you call me bipolar?
On the day of the party, the Amonett house was filled with excitement. It was also filled with confusion, but that's the norm when Grammy's around. Leaving only ten minutes past the appointed hour, we successfully picked up a couple partygoers and made our way to the restaurant. Once we unloaded the kids, Grammy, and necessary supplies, I sent Mr. T out for balloons and helped the staff set up tables while we waited for our guests.
Since I had a few minutes before our guests arrived, I whipped out the camera to
Although we had several children to entertain and challenge the restaurant staff, it felt like Grammy was the guest of honor. It isn't often that kids get to spend their birthdays with great-grandparents, and thankfully, Grammy is 87 years strong. We told her the goal is to reach 100, or at least 99, the age she will be when Xavier graduates from high school. I figure as long as Harlequin keeps sending her at least 18 versions of "intrigue" each month, Grammy will be up to the challenge.
Coloring is serious business. These kids were so focused on their masterpieces that they almost sat still for an entire five minutes. Emerson mostly just talked about his crayons in his undecipherable Ewok language, and Journi snuggled up to her Uncle T for a little help in navigating the games.
My bright-eyed birthday boy was pleased with his pepperoni pizza that the chef so kindly fashioned in the shape of a six. I find it interesting that Xavier will not eat pepperoni, yet he refuses any pizza that does not begin with the favored ingredient. He likes to look at the pepperoni and then have me remove any traces of its existence. I have tried to convince him that ordering cheese pizza would save us a step in this process, but he believes his way to be the better one. Perhaps this method, while unconventional, allows him the taste of the pepperoni without the cholesterol and calories to go with it. Of course, this would be similar to licking a piece of bacon, and that doesn't make any sense at all, does it?
One of the perks of party hosting is watching everyone have a good time. I thoroughly enjoyed the excitement of the children, and I always love a chance to talk with adults whose interests extend beyond superheros and game downloads. My sister Andi and my friend Courtney were a great help to me as we corralled the masses and helped them answer the age old question: chocolate or vanilla?
If you think that frosting colors do not have to be coordinated with cake flavors, then you'd be wrong. Who knew that kids would be so particular about red or blue buttercream paired with the appropriate chocolate or vanilla cupcake? Thanks, Sam's, for considering all the options beforehand and diffusing a potentially hostile cake situation.
Captured in the radiance of his smile, Xavier was overjoyed with the collection of birthday love thrust upon him. From preppy polos to handwritten notes (I found Bubba's "I love you X" particularly tender) to Mariokart Lego sets, Xavier was tickled that his friends and family knew his interests so well. And then there was the presentation of cash. You can tell by his show me the Lincoln's dance that a five dollar bill always hits the sweet spot.
The day following the party was Xavier's actual birthday. Being Sunday, we had a quiet dinner at home complete with a homemade Optimus Prime cake. The cake topper was a lucky find as it is a reusable mask. I hope it will remind Xavier of the great love of his family and friends and the celebration of his sixth year of life. Happy birthday to my little man!
Now that I can look back over the past week and reflect on the highs and lows of anxiety, I have come to a few realizations. As I was searching for ideas (and validation) in planning a party, I was reminded that any of us can easily be caught up in the "thick of thin things." Our intentions for good can become competitions for grandeur, and although I was not looking to be the birthday queen of Pinterest or recognized for budding creative talents, I allowed temporal expectations to cloud the real meaning of the holiday. I realized that it didn't matter what type of party Xavier had with his friends and family. It also didn't matter the number of parties he had or the number of sparkling things provided to amaze and entertain his friends. It didn't even matter what the other moms thought of my inherent lack of style. What mattered in the moment and will always matter is that X feels loved and that he is a treasured member of our family. Accordingly, it matters that Xavier's friends and cousins feel they are important to him, too.
As I interacted with each child and observed their interactions with one other, I was reminded that our relationships with each other must take precedence over any worldly care. Simplicity is often the best way to go, and children are remarkable about keeping things simple. I was the one adding complexity and chaos to the event. I think it becomes easy for me to add complexity because then I have an excuse to fall back on when things don't work out the way I envision them. Mental complexities have a way of distracting us from our course and can entice us turn to the world for answers. Rather than focusing on basic truths, we have to see what everyone else is doing before we can make a decision. What's interesting to me about all of this is that there never has been and will never be conflict in truth, yet I am a pro at making things more difficult than they were meant to be.
In previous posts, I have spoken of the sisters of Lazarus, and I believe this experience screams of my struggle with choosing the better part. When I become caught in the thick of thin things, I permit anxiety and inadequacy to become burdens in my life. I invite lesser cares to become my priority, leaving little time for things of greater importance, including relationships within my family. Mary and Martha were fine examples of balancing both temporal and spiritual duties, and just as Christ counseled Martha, "thou art careful and troubled about many things," He gently reminded her that "only one thing is needful" (Luke10:41-42). As I strive to find balance between my own duties and desires, may I remember that grandeur is not an indicator of righteousness, and I should keep my eyes focused more on the sun and less on cable t.v.
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