Event Planner Extraordinaire

WARNING: This is a sassy one. I shined up my soapbox and sprinkled extra glitter especially for the occasion. Proceed with caution.

Wind. Rain. Ice. Mother Nature, you will have to do better than that. Don't you know I am an event planner?!

Well, in a past life I may have been an event planner. In this life, I am more of an underpaid magician who must fabricate diamonds out of coal dust and make the incessant whining of entitled students disappear. Yes, that's right. I am a magician. I can pull rabbits out of hats, saw buxom blondes in half and remember minute details so small and insignificant you would think I have X-Ray vision into the hands behind your back. Deck of cards? I hold the Ace. Brains? I use both halves. Money? Okay, you have me there. Perhaps my lack of green is what keeps me out of the professional circuit of cable television's event planners extraordinaire. Instead of planning parties for those of good breeding, I am arranging paper plates and napkins for those of questionable breeding.

Two times a year, in the historic and hallowed halls of the four turret Provo Tabernacle, Pomp and Circumstance fills the rafters as the graduating classes of Provo's fastest growing proprietary school fills the center stage. It is a time of celebration, a time of excitement, a time of anticipation, and a time Jeff Foxworthy and his redneck pals would fashion a comedy tour after. While it may be true that our graduates are often the first among their families to wear the flowing gowns of black and turn the tassel from left to right, it is also telling of their guests that Social Graces 101 was never part of the curriculum at Living Under A Rock High. Neither was Etiquette for the FOB Islander 0900 (Fresh Off the Boat...it happens to be a remedial course). Hence, we are blessed to know the redeeming power of second chances for both the young and the old. I just wish I held pre-commencement workshops for the invited guests of the graduates. You don't pass Erika's Commencement Test, you don't enter the graduation ceremony. Any questions?

This past Saturday the behind-the-scenes months long journey of organizing, scheduling, coordinating, and harassing culminated into a four-hour shindig which not only brought the Governor from his oval office, but brought the constituents from the street corners as well. The rains prevailed, the winds blew strong, but even Mother Nature could not divert me from the tasks at hand. Ten frozen fingers and one mousy, stringy moptop later, the sun broke through the grey and darkened landscape to highlight the graduates' smiling faces and prove once again that I am nothing short of a magician.

I was fortunate to be surrounded with a great support system this time around. I could not have pulled off such a momentous occasion without the undying support from good people who buoy me among a sea full of dinghies. You all know who you are.

BTW, no matter how well you plan for an event, you can never prepare for the intangibles. Regardless of how long I dwell upon this earth, there are some people who never cease to amaze me. While I was scurrying around in my three-inch heels barking orders from a megaphone, my mind was racing with thoughts of Oh my goodness, that's a wide load of exposed boobies, Uh-oh, can I fix this with a safety pin?, and Are you serious? Spandex is not formal attire. I am embarrassed for you, chica.

Other random thoughts that pervaded my overly-sensitive and perceptive brainwaves:
1. Muffin tops. Apparently, some people carry their fresh markets of butter and cream cheese with them. Blueberries too.

2. Reserved seating. Dear friends and families of the graduating seniors: The stage is reserved for the graduates and faculty only. If we wanted your child to give a speech, we would have invited him to the pulpit.

3. Dress, grooming, and behavioral standards. This is so important I will have to divide into three individual written and pictoral explanations. The Provo Tabernacle is a religious building which was built as a place of worship for LDS patrons over 100 years ago. Reverence, respect, and self-control are synonymous with an invited guest who would attend a formal event in an historic structure such as this. Conversely, baseball fields or open-air arenas cater to sporting events or outdoor rock concerts. Ripped clothing, lack of clothing, cat calls, and raucous comments are never appropriate, yet highly accepted at outdoor venues such as these. Once again, perhaps I should host pre-graduation instructional workshops to differentiate between the two so there may be no confusion as to which event you are actually attending.

4. Bras, people. They are called bras. Underwire is your friend. Department stores will even trade you for some in exchange for a little money. And please do not think that doubling up on tank tops fits the bill. They will not restrain your girls either.

5. Flip flops. What else can I say that the good elders of the church have not already said? Flip flops are appropriate here:

(Beach)

Not to be confused with here...

(Provo Tabernacle)

...or here.

(Church)

After the services ended and we had the Tabernacle back to its original splendor, our kindly President gifted me with one of the floral arrangements. I took some photos this morning, as some of the vibrant and delicate blossoms were already showing signs of age. The bouquet has graced my dining room table since Saturday afternoon. Fresh flowers are an undeniable sign of spring and warmer temperatures; with the lingering winter we have been experiencing, it is nice to have a bit of the tropics in the house again.