Amazon Adventure

The Amazon is calling. And who better to answer that call than Wonder Woman herself. With the gray, dreary winter clouds looming overhead, Wonder Woman has been feeling an inward need to return to her tropical roots. Sunshine and warmth have eluded us for too long and that pesky little Seasonal Affective Disorder has been taking charge and bossing everyone around. Wonder Woman has had enough! Good thing a journey to tropical South America is only 40 minutes away. No passports, day passes, or invisible jets needed...only two hours with a spiky-haired munchkin and a strikingly handsome Shorta Rican chauffeur...and perhaps a lasso or two for added measure. You can never foresee when those male anacondas will be feeling a little frisky!

My Shorta Rican and I bought season passes to the Living Planet Aquarium in February 2009. We have used those passes a total of zero times. As I noticed the expiration date sneaking up on us, I declared a trip to see the fishies was in our immediate future. So, strap on your boots and grab the camera, 'cause adventure in the Amazon waits for no one!



Xavier was a little cranky when we first arrived because he had fallen asleep in the car, but he quickly warmed up to his aquatic friends. He especially loved the shark tank, as captured in his wide-eyed photos. Be careful not to let them bite!





Speaking of biting animals, did I mention the traveling exhibit that just happened to be featured in the aquarium at the same exact moment of our exploration? I have to admit I have never observed creatures with so many human and non-human characteristics competing for my attention at one time. The creatures appeared to be a teenage clan of porcupine hybrid humans. They reeked of tobacco, were colorfully tattooed, and wore skins resembling goth cloaks. They also had metal quills which protruded from every orifice and crevice on their person; I can only imagine they were trying to become one with the African porcupine, one of their Amazonian cousins. They also seem to be a matriarchal society, as Grandma Goth was leading the pack, complete with multiple toddlers in tow. Two words to describe this unconventional society: SCARY LARRY!

I thought about snapping a picture for science-related purposes, and perhaps proof that self-mutilated creatures actually do emerge from surreptitious caves of darkness during daylight hours typically reserved for normal looking persons, but I didn't dare make eye contact because I not only feared my eyes would burn right out of their sockets, one of the blades hanging from what could only be described as badly abused lip meat would surely slice hieroglyphics into my forehead. All I can say is I feel sorry for those toddlers. Another round of socially deviant anarchists comin' up!



Thankfully, Xavier was completely oblivious to the intrusion, as he was more interested in the allure of poisonous blue frogs and bird eating tarantulas.
Admittedly, I am a little disturbed at my own disturbance of the porcupine clan's outward appearance because, hey, they could be really nice people who drive carpool and enjoy Sunday BBQs with their neighbors. Perhaps they don't understand Utah has an abundance of scrap metal, and there is no reason to hoard, or even attach it to your person for fear of looting. As a person of average intelligence, I do not claim to be omnipotent in matters of science and medicine, yet I am pretty sure that 2 x 4 metal spears impair the proper functioning of human features and appendages. If the Almighty thought body parts were going to fall off upon our arrival on this planet, not only would we arrive preassembled, we would arrive pre-stapled!

Ah, the high stakes adventure that can be found in the Amazon. Xavier came within close and terrifying proximity with caimans, anacondas, stingrays, and porcupine hybrid humans...exotic and beautiful animals happily fulfilling the measures of their creation. What a delightful journey of exploration and discovery. Perhaps we will visit again soon. And perhaps we will bring home a souvenir not offered in the aquarium's gift shop. Grandpa Skip has been looking for that special something to scare the mice out of his shed. He will be delighted to know we've found it!